Happy Hobbits? Get yourself 11 weird free android apps

I am not much of a smartphone buff. My first half-hearted attempt at getting one was the Sony Experia Mini Pro. Main reason for my choice: it was one of the last smartphones to have an actual keyboard. I hate losing my 250-300 characters per minute and no digital keyboard can do this for me. Anyway, I recently ‘upgraded’ to a Sony Experia S as I needed to have a better camera for my Instagram ventures, i.e. social media in general, and quickly realised that I could possibly use many more apps now. I thought about going on a shopping spree with the Google Play Store, typed in ‘Hobbit’ and pressed ‘enter.’ This is some of the stuff which turned up in the search results.

1. → Hobbit Sting Widget

The Hobbit Sting Widget

The Hobbit Sting Widget

Dear god, Sting it’s glowing, Orcs are near us!

Not really, it glows when the Wi-Fi signal is getting stronger. That’s right, get ready for Hobbit premiere with this snazzy widget! Put Bilbo’s legendary sword on your Home as any die-hard Hobbit fan would do – don’t, and you will never know if there’s some preciousss internet to steal!

2. → Run For Ring-Hobbit Escape

Run for Ring - Hobbit Escape

Run for Ring – Hobbit Escape

I am really not quite sure whether the description in the Google Play store is meant to be serious but judge for yourself:

This is a Brand New Runner game,Hobbit is Screwed in the jungle ,u want to help Hobbit to escape from horrifying obstcles in the jungles.Hurry up

3. → Hobbit: Dress Off

Hobbit Dress Off

Hobbit Dress Off

And yet again I am not quite sure what this is about. Probably has something to do with the new verb, thranduiling. Or some such thing. Be sharp, be Thranduil. High fantasy fashion in Mirkwood, presented by Karl Oakenshield?

An exciting adventure with the famous characters of the saga of Middle-earth!

 4. → Hobbits to Isengard Soundboard

Hobbits to Isengard - Soundboard

Hobbits to Isengard – Soundboard

The legend that is “They’re taking the Hobbits to Isengard” now has a soundboard. If you truly want to **** off all of your friends this is the app to download to your very own smartphone, crank up the volume and go nuts! And attention:

This is also my first app, and I apologize for the noise in some of the sound bites, but background music is difficult to remove.

 

5. → Bart A Hobbit Edition Fartman

This seems to be a particular and rather popular gaming genre.

Bart, The Hobbit, Fartman

Bart, The Hobbit, Fartman

Bart and his friends have a new weapon in their arsenal. It’s not a wizard’s staff, nor a sword, nor an axe…it’s a powerful rear weapon!
Run fast, jump high, aim well with your “”back”” gas weapon and stun your enemies out of existence! Collect coins and check out the very difficult but rewarding powerups!

 

6. → Pencil Hobbit

Clearly belonging to the ‘wtf???’ group of the Google Play Store this game is all about Extreme Fun and Extreme Addiction. Last time I heard about addiction that was a bad thing …

Pencil Hobbit

Pencil Hobbit

Many have suffered a lot through the atrocities of Red Monster Pencil and its brutality has reached unbearable heights. That morning, when darkness faded away, our Star, Pencil Hobbit came across the Red Monster who ripped the innocent Paper away. As expected, Red Monster attacked the Pencil Hobbit furiously with its sharpened leads but unexpectedly our Hobbit uses his skills and intelligence to dodge the deadly attacks of Red Monster.

7. → Precious Ring 3D

Now again, to me this sounds like … I can’t even begin to explain my bafflement.

Precious Ring 3D

Precious Ring 3D

Get this precious 3D Ring on your phone and bow down before the most evil and malicious power ever created. Scroll through your desktop and gaze upon its strange beauty. It is your turn to become the lord of Darkness !
Activate special options and watch the fire glowing on its Elven runes…change the overall quality of your livewallpaper or activate different particle effects to make it even more realistic. It is up to you, but careful not to succumb to the darkness, the fate of the world is in your hands !

So what now? Will I be seeing people on public transport stroking their smartphones, mumbling Black Speech? Or will someone push his/her smartphone into my face screaming “BEHOLD THE DARK LORD!!!” Or what? I am confused.

8. →You Shall Not Pass

Finally a truly useful app. Your teacher is going on your nerves, your boss is a pr***, your husband’s going out for another pint, your lady on another shopping spree? There is an end to that.

You shall not pass

You shall not pass

Become the powerful Wizard Gandalf, a “Lord of The Rings” novel and movie legend! Grab the staff and deny the pass from Balrog or any other “enemy” you wish to.
Press the Staff image to initiate the epic phrase and prepare to “slam” your staff to smite the way and secure it from the “enemy” !

9. → Eye of Sauron

Thanks to this little gem I can now Summon the Sauron. Like, I can Summon my Volkswagen Beetle. Or my Starbucks Soy Milk Decaf Extra Hot & Spicy Latte. Bring it on, Sauron.

Eye of Sauron

Eye of Sauron

Application is especially for “Lord of The Rings” novel and Tolkien fans in general. It has been developed for fun. Press “Summon the Sauron” button, wait 5 seconds and ask your friend to take a phone. Sauron’s eye will appear on your phone screen. I hope you and your friends will enjoy it.

And man, am I glad the developer added this:

Thank you for positive feedback…:-)

Five star review? Sure as hell.

I would give this five stars if only the eye is a bit bigger and the slight shaking was fixed.but overall it is amazing.fyi I like the background noises and saurons creepy voice.

Say, hwat now?

10. → 夢見哈比屯. Dream of Hobbiton

Now this doesn’t look half bad, to be honest. And if I wanted an exotic place to stay I’d definitely give it a try. But doesn’t Hobbiton look … well. Different? 😉 I have had the title translated by a professional German-Chinese translator but I wanted to give you Google Translate for the description.

Dream of Hobbiton

Dream of Hobbiton

Dream. Hobbiton Lord of the Rings is a love story founded boss, the boss is a hobbit aspire to enjoy food every day (Hobbits eat six meals a day Oh!) And the wine of life …
To five in this space, style theme on each floor are not the same, whether it is a cozy dining area, or want to have a private balcony space, as well as our most beautiful open-air attic area, everywhere you can see our clever thinking.
Welcome from the busy city, came to dream. Hobbiton this special place, taste the food, drink wine, enjoy the scenery, when a happy hobbit it!

11. → My Name as

There are quite a few name generators out there (almost all ****) but this one really tops off this list. Because? Because you can get your name as Pirate … Stripper … Jedi Knight … Ninja … Mafia … Hobbit …

My Name As

My Name As

Do you want to know what your name would be as a Pirate / Stripper / Jedi Knight / Ninja / Hobbit / Mafia?
Just enter your original name and create your new one. Or you can create a random name.
My Name As is an Android Name Generator, just download and start to get your own new names!

I hope you liked this little list.

ATTENTION: Any software downloaded to your smartphone is downloaded at your own risk. Rules and regulations of the Google Play Store and the software developing companies apply.

And man, I thought Etsy is a million times copyright breach. But the Google Play Store? AWESOME. The whole Encyclopedia of Arda squeezed into an app and people applaud them for it; the names ‘Hobbit’ and ‘Tolkien’ are both trademarked (by the film people and Tolkien’s family respectively) and not a single note of any copyright/ usage rights etc. Ah, well. They’re for free, right?

I would like to express my thanks to the Tolkien Society Facebook Group for the inspiration to write this blog post and Daniel Helen in particular. And yes, we were making fun of the official HarperCollins app. 😉

Picture credits: (c) Google and respective copyright owners.

TheTolkienist

A Tolkien fan for twenty-five years (and more to come...) Founding chairman of the German Tolkien Society, Co-Founder of Ring*Con, Co-Founder of the ITF, host, presenter and fantasy expert